so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Randomize
