Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
