is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
