his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
