It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
