While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
