My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
