you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
