I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
