you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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