I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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