So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
