Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Come on in and take your pants off
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