it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
