does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
