I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
