I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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