So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
