They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
