The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
