how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
