In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
