Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
