Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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