his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
