The maid of honor just puked.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize