I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
