He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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