Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
