woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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