drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
