I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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