they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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