this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
