This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
