I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
