It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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