bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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