i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Panties = found
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