You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
