I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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