Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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