glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
