If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
