you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
