Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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