I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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