Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
