upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So vagazzling was a success
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
