erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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