The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
