guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize