complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
