I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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