I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize