i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
