yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
