so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So much Jack, so little girl.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
