someone get that fucking seahorse.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
