you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
