Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
