i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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