I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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