How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Every concussion has its silver lining
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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