the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
