A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
