I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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