So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
