she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
