You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
