I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
