What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
